Radio's MOST CONSERVATIVE Host, Lurch Rambach!

White House press conferance with
President Lance Boyle at the podium.
Lance points to a reporter who
barks out a question.

Reporter
Mr. President, may we get your reaction to the Vice President's coments this morning?

Lance
Uhm, I'm kind of new to this dream sequence. Could you remind me of the statement?

Reporter
The coment was "Boyle couldn't stimulate the economy with a pocket full of French Ticklers"

Lance
Who made that coment?

Reporter
Vice President Bingeby speaking at the Reactionary Orgination of Feminist Liberals...

Lance
Binge. Of course.

Conservative Radio
Host in a studio

Lurch Rambach
Callers constantly ask me "Lurch, how do we know where this new independant President stands, is he Conservative or Liberal?" I tell them the answer is in his choices. Who he chooses to surround himself with will reveal the man. Let's examine his choices. The most important one was his choice of a Vice President. Arthur Bingeby. A moral degenerate and social retard married to a porn star. He had no previous political experiance. Not even a town council position. Bingeby was an artist. Which in my book translates to a deadbeat with a hobby.

VP OFFICE President Lance Boyle walks in
on Vice President Bingeby.

Binge is on a lap top computer
with a Government seal.

Lance
Did you look over this bill yet?

Binge
Nope. Not yet. I’ve been on the phone with ZZ-Top all morning.

Lance glances at
the screen.

Lance
How many times do I have to tell you? No internet porn on White House computers.

Binge
It’s not internet porn. I borrowed a CIA spy satellite. Hey, are you into Asian chicks? Watch this.

Binge starts to type
with a devious grin.

Lance slams the
lap top closed.

Lance
NEW RULE! No using of Government resources for you own perverse pleasures.

Binge
Uhm, can it take effect next month. I already have something set up with Athena and NASA. That reminds me, wait until I show you the Roswell crap. It’ll blow your friggin mind.

Lance
Stay out of that! Last thing we need you doing is crank calling other planets. Look over this bill. But don’t tell anyone. NO-ONE!

Binge
Jeez, give me a little credit. At least I’m not going to shoot a lawyer in the face with a shot gun or something equally as stupid. Dude, did I tell you about the killer robots the Defense Department has? I want to play with one.

Lance
ALSO! The first Jody wants me to tell you go back to the OLD intern uniforms!

Binge
Why? I did a little office fashion update.

Lance
Miss Gulpowsky, please come in here...

A chubby 20 something
intern wearing a stripper-esq
type of uniform
walks into the office.

Binge
Dude, you signed for it. That reminds me, I have to order some more cigars...

Lance
Try to do something more presidental and less vice. READ OVER THAT BILL.

Lance looks over to
side of the office.

Lance
What the hell is this?

Binge
Skee Ball alley from the amusements in Keysburg Beach. You should know, you’ve played it enough.

Lance
I see it is. How did it get here?

Binge
I just mentioned I wish I had one here and POOF! Some union payed for it to be shipped down to D.C. Pretty cool huh?

Lance
NO IT ISN’T! Who was the union?

Binge
I can’t remember, E-I-E-I-O's or something. I got their card around here somewhere. I think it’s with the resort resvorations.

Lance
Resort? Look, you're giving all this crap back.

Lance picks up a heavy wooden
ball from the Skee Ball machine.

Binge
No way! This job is great. Perks out the wazoo. They’ll even send us chicks who are into wazoo action if we want...

Lance
Look how far we got with out taking any favors or money. This is how the founding Father’s wanted it.

Binge
I bet they wanted the wazoo action too...

Lance
DAMNIT BINGE!!

In a fit of rage Lance throws a baseball style pitch at the Skee Ball machine. The wooden ball bounces off of the rubber bumper and hurls back between Lance and Binge.

At that exact moment the door opens and Secretary of State Madam Double-Vision walks in.

Madam Double Vision
Mr. President, may I see you...

With the sharp crack sound of pool balls, the wooden ball smacks into her left side forehead. She disappears from frame.

Lance and Binge look down in shock. A couple of seconds later both react simultaneously. Lance crouches to the unconscious body, as Binge laughs and goes to high five Lance’s hand in the air.

Lance
Are you all right?

Binge
Oh man, we got to cover this up. President kills Secretary of State in fit of rage. You know, the radio talk shows will have a field day with this. Plus you’ll have to explain to Jody how one of your balls came in contact with her forehead. Hey! Who am I?

(Bing doing a Taratino impression)
Did you see a Sign on my office door saying "Dead Psychic Storage?" Do you know why you didn't see a ...

Lance
Don’t just stand there, call someone....

Binge
Who? G. Gorden Liddy? I found his number in an old Rolodex.

Binge strolls to his desk.

Lance
NO! Emergency Services!

Binge at his desk.

Binge
I can’t find G. Gorden, how about Ollie North? I bet he could get her corpse on a C-130 to South America within an hour. We'll have him leave somewhere locals could do wierd stuff to it...

Madam Double Vision stirs.

Madam Double Vision
OW, what happened?

Binge
Oh rats!

Lance
Are you ok?

Lance helps her to
slowly stand. She has
an ugly welt on her left forehead.

Lance
Are you ok?

Madam Double Vision
I ...I guess. I have a press conference in an hour. I stopped by to go over some notes with you.

Lance
Do you think you need medical attention?

Madam Double Vision
Wha...what happened?

Binge
This.

Binge throws a baseball style pitch at the Skee Ball machine with the same wooden ball. The wooden ball bounces off of the rubber bumper and hurls back cracking Madam Double Vision on the right side of her forehead. She falls to the floor with a dull thump.

Lance looks at Binge with total disbelief.

Binge snickers
What were those odds? I mean, if she was really a psychic, she should have seen it comimg...

Cut to Jody on a couch with
several pets in front of a TV.
She has a phone to her ear and a smirk.

Cut to a cross looking Secretary of State during a press conference. Two very pronounced bumps on her forehead.

Madam Double Vision
I will be answering any questions now. EXCEPT for questions about my forehead. If you ask, your life will become an unbearable hell that not even death will let you escape. Now, any questions about my plan for peace in the Middle East?

Lurch Rambach
Tell me, when did we last have a V.P. who wore sunglasses at a press conferance. On Friday's show, we'll have the latest on Mrs. Vice President Bingeby. Her maiden name was Athena DeCruelle, internet dominatrix. MY GOD! They have her going on visit to children's cancer wards!On tomorrow's show I will be taking a closer look at the choice of Secretary Of State. A boardwalk psychic who blames America's woes on "bad Karma." Her Mid East stradegy involves Tarot Cards and positive thought. What's next? The Amazing Kreskin in charge of the Federal Reserve? Or Amy Winehouse in charge of the F.D.A.?

...................................................................................................................................Week One
	Lance and Jody cuddling in bed late at night with a joint. Lance If I were the President, you would be the coolest first Lady ever! Jody HA! Yea, a regular Nancy Reagan. "Just say YO!" Lance I would be a third party independent type of President. I'm sick of the Democrats and Republicans playing the "good cop-bad cop" routine on America. An ex-Gulf War Marine as Commander and Chief, plenty of hardware, I'll keep those damn kids off our lawn. Jody Well, perhaps in another universe we are the first family. Good Night hon...

Lurch Rambach, radio conservative narrative: Submitted for your approval, a political science fiction of sorts. What if an ordinary American actually became the President of the United States of America? Could he make a difference? Or would he succumb to the same temptations of all men who gain power. Could any average American be able to survive the scrutiny of public life? We now go to a press conference being held somewhere in the Binge Zone.
Next Page			White House press conferance with President Lance Boyle at the podium. Lance points to a reporter who barks out a question. Reporter Mr. President, may we get your reaction to the Vice President's coments this morning? Lance Uhm, I'm kind of new to this dream sequence. Could you remind me of the statement? Reporter The coment was "Boyle couldn't stimulate the economy with a pocket full of French Ticklers" Lance Who made that coment? Reporter Vice President Bingeby speaking at the Reactionary Orgination of Feminist Liberals... Lance Binge. Of course. Conservative Radio Host in a studio Lurch Rambach Callers constantly ask me "Lurch, how do we know where this new independant President stands, is he Conservative or Liberal?" I tell them the answer is in his choices. Who he chooses to surround himself with will reveal the man. Let's examine his choices. The most important one was his choice of a Vice President. Arthur Bingeby. A moral degenerate and social retard married to a porn star. He had no previous political experiance. Not even a town council position. Bingeby was an artist. Which in my book translates to a deadbeat with a hobby. VP OFFICE President Lance Boyle walks in on Vice President Bingeby. Binge is on a lap top computer with a Government seal. Lance Did you look over this bill yet? Binge Nope. Not yet. I’ve been on the phone with ZZ-Top all morning. Lance glances at the screen. Lance How many times do I have to tell you? No internet porn on White House computers. Binge It’s not internet porn. I borrowed a CIA spy satellite. Hey, are you into Asian chicks? Watch this. Binge starts to type with a devious grin. Lance slams the lap top closed. Lance NEW RULE! No using of Government resources for you own perverse pleasures. Binge Uhm, can it take effect next month. I already have something set up with Athena and NASA. That reminds me, wait until I show you the Roswell crap. It’ll blow your friggin mind. Lance Stay out of that! Last thing we need you doing is crank calling other planets. Look over this bill. But don’t tell anyone. NO-ONE! Binge Jeez, give me a little credit. At least I’m not going to shoot a lawyer in the face with a shot gun or something equally as stupid. Dude, did I tell you about the killer robots the Defense Department has? I want to play with one. Lance ALSO! The first Jody wants me to tell you go back to the OLD intern uniforms! Binge Why? I did a little office fashion update. Lance Miss Gulpowsky, please come in here... A chubby 20 something intern wearing a stripper-esq type of uniform walks into the office. Binge Dude, you signed for it. That reminds me, I have to order some more cigars... Lance Try to do something more presidental and less vice. READ OVER THAT BILL. Lance looks over to side of the office. Lance What the hell is this? Binge Skee Ball alley from the amusements in Keysburg Beach. You should know, you’ve played it enough. Lance I see it is. How did it get here? Binge I just mentioned I wish I had one here and POOF! Some union payed for it to be shipped down to D.C. Pretty cool huh? Lance NO IT ISN’T! Who was the union? Binge I can’t remember, E-I-E-I-O's or something. I got their card around here somewhere. I think it’s with the resort resvorations. Lance Resort? Look, you're giving all this crap back. Lance picks up a heavy wooden ball from the Skee Ball machine. Binge No way! This job is great. Perks out the wazoo. They’ll even send us chicks who are into wazoo action if we want... Lance Look how far we got with out taking any favors or money. This is how the founding Father’s wanted it. Binge I bet they wanted the wazoo action too... Lance DAMNIT BINGE!! In a fit of rage Lance throws a baseball style pitch at the Skee Ball machine. The wooden ball bounces off of the rubber bumper and hurls back between Lance and Binge. At that exact moment the door opens and Secretary of State Madam Double-Vision walks in. Madam Double Vision Mr. President, may I see you... With the sharp crack sound of pool balls, the wooden ball smacks into her left side forehead. She disappears from frame. Lance and Binge look down in shock. A couple of seconds later both react simultaneously. Lance crouches to the unconscious body, as Binge laughs and goes to high five Lance’s hand in the air. Lance Are you all right? Binge Oh man, we got to cover this up. President kills Secretary of State in fit of rage. You know, the radio talk shows will have a field day with this. Plus you’ll have to explain to Jody how one of your balls came in contact with her forehead. Hey! Who am I? (Bing doing a Taratino impression) Did you see a Sign on my office door saying "Dead Psychic Storage?" Do you know why you didn't see a ... Lance Don’t just stand there, call someone.... Binge Who? G. Gorden Liddy? I found his number in an old Rolodex. Binge strolls to his desk. Lance NO! Emergency Services! Binge at his desk. Binge I can’t find G. Gorden, how about Ollie North? I bet he could get her corpse on a C-130 to South America within an hour. We'll have him leave somewhere locals could do wierd stuff to it... Madam Double Vision stirs. Madam Double Vision OW, what happened? Binge Oh rats! Lance Are you ok? Lance helps her to slowly stand. She has an ugly welt on her left forehead. Lance Are you ok? Madam Double Vision I ...I guess. I have a press conference in an hour. I stopped by to go over some notes with you. Lance Do you think you need medical attention? Madam Double Vision Wha...what happened? Binge This. Binge throws a baseball style pitch at the Skee Ball machine with the same wooden ball. The wooden ball bounces off of the rubber bumper and hurls back cracking Madam Double Vision on the right side of her forehead. She falls to the floor with a dull thump. Lance looks at Binge with total disbelief. Binge snickers What were those odds? I mean, if she was really a psychic, she should have seen it comimg... Cut to Jody on a couch with several pets in front of a TV. She has a phone to her ear and a smirk. Jody (chuckle) You're right, she does look like Hell Boy. Cut to a cross looking Secretary of State during a press conference. Two very pronounced bumps on her forehead. Madam Double Vision I will be answering any questions now. EXCEPT for questions about my forehead. If you ask, your life will become an unbearable hell that not even death will let you escape. Now, any questions about my plan for peace in the Middle East? Lurch Rambach Tell me, when did we last have a V.P. who wore sunglasses at a press conferance. On Friday's show, we'll have the latest on Mrs. Vice President Bingeby. Her maiden name was Athena DeCruelle, internet dominatrix. MY GOD! They have her going on visit to children's cancer wards!On tomorrow's show I will be taking a closer look at the choice of Secretary Of State. A boardwalk psychic who blames America's woes on "bad Karma." Her Mid East stradegy involves Tarot Cards and positive thought. What's next? The Amazing Kreskin in charge of the Federal Reserve? Or Amy Winehouse in charge of the F.D.A.?
		*FANNIE SMAC* SPECIAL GUEST STAR EDWARD LIDDY of A.I.G. Read the BiNGE comic "Fannie Smac" A zany adventure about a C.E.O. spending BAIL-OUT money on sensitivity training sessions from the internet Dominatrix Athena DeCruelle. Binge gets a hold of some of the money and buys pizza for everyone.

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